We often think of self-confidence as a trait that's innate. People are either born with it or they don't have it, and those who lack it are just out of luck. But this isn't the case at all. There are a number of steps you can take toward gaining self confidence.
1. Write it down. List the areas in which you are lacking in self-confidence. Now, choose one area you want to focus on. Spend some time thinking about this area. If you can't think of specific areas but suffer more from a general lack of self-confidence, consider focusing on something like public speaking. This is a common fear, but overcoming it is also a terrific confidence builder! Write about your specific concerns. For example, for public speaking, you might write down that you are afraid you will forget what you are going to say or that you are afraid people will laugh at you. You may find it useful to follow your fears to their most absurd end. What if people dislike your speaking so much that they pelt you with rotten eggs? If you are able to have a little bit of humor about your fears, it can help, but sometimes that's not possible.
2. Set yourself simple tasks, and write down the results. Baby steps are the key here. If you want to build your confidence in public speaking, you don't start by addressing an audience of thousands. A small, specific task to build your confidence in public speaking would be something like speaking up in class or addressing a few co-workers. Let's say that you have decided you are going to make three remarks in class this week. As you complete your tasks, write about them in your journal. How did you feel? What were your worries and concerns? How did things work out? Now, build on your small tasks. If you're still working on public speaking, for example, give a brief talk to a small group of classmates or co-workers. Again, write about the experience so you can track your progress, your successes and any pitfalls along the way.
3. Read a book. The book or books you choose will depend in part on the area in which you are lacking self-confidence. A classic self-help book that can build your confidence in a general way is "How to Win Friends and Influence People." Despite having been written nearly 70 years ago, this remains a useful course for building one's confidence in dealing with people. Try some of the techniques recommended. Remember your journal? Write about how things went when you tried those techniques and how you felt.
4. Join a group. You may choose a group specific to the area in which you want to build your confidence, but Toastmasters International is a terrific general organization to build speaking and leadership skills, which will in turn develop your self-confidence as well. Through Toastmasters, you will learn and develop at your own pace. Whatever group you decide to join, remember your journal! Write about your development, how you felt and areas where you have improved as well as those which need more improvement.
By tailoring these techniques to your own situation and keeping records of your progress, you, too, can become a person brimming with self-confidence.
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