Haven't you seen the loving couple who just stepped out of Vogue magazine. You know, the one who are looking adoringly at each other, and secretly wish you were 1/2 half of them?
And then, we wonder, `What do they have that we don't?`. Will I ever learn how to understand men?
You have seen couples like that, haven't you? Yeah, we all have. And, we have all asked ourselves the same question, "Why can't I have that?" "Does he love me?"
If you are in this boat - along with the majority of women, maybe you have struggled to emulate that couple with gestures or `signs` that were either ignored completely, or rebuffed in other ways. If that is the case, maybe it is because one crucial element is missing. That one single element can make a world of difference in your relationship.
Your relationship can be the envy of your friends, once you identify some of the crucial ingredients. What if we could identify one of those missing links - and understand more than we do now.....
1. Learn what DESTRUCTIVE ingredients tear a relationship apart. 2. Look at what CONSTRUCTIVE ingredients make a relationship great. 3. Eliminate the destructive ingredients one by one. 4. Add the constructive ingredients one by one. 5. Rinse and repeat this process as your circumstances change.
Here are the results of the application of the formula above that can be expected:
A relationship that's truly fulfilling with a man who showers you with:
1. Attention, 2. Love, 3. Respect, 4. and caring...all without you having to twist his arm!
Let's dissect the formula, and look at #1 - A Destructive Element: It is distilled into one word - Contempt. In this context, it means that when an argument ensues - and they always do - it is natural. What isn't natural is personally attacking each other, putting each other down in a contemptuous manner.
You see, when one party shows contempt, the other responds in kind. That - you don't want!! It can lead to a cycle that is difficult to break - once it begins.
So, what do you do - when you are really, really ticked off. There is a common word for that, but I don't like it - so `ticked off` will have to do. Now, how do you respond when he is ranting & raving (for no reason, of course)? Well, here is the old saying of catching more bees with honey than vinegar. Quaint saying, isn't it? How about the fact that there is a ton of evidence to back it up? There is, really!
Accept this - because it is true. But, how do you put it in action? It is vitally important to learn that you are not going to win by points - this isn't an Olympic event. You are going to win by being ` clever. The goal is to have a man devoted lovingly to you - and you are not going to achieve that by a knockout punch.
So, how do you do that? First, take a deep breath. Breathing deeply at times of stress does wonders. You see, the main thing is to avoid coming up with a zinger response to top his `zinger`. That's destructive! Then, count to 10 - (Impressive if you can count to 10 in French, but if you can't, English is OK)
Then phrase a question that addresses his needs - in the context of the argument. For example, if the subject of the - discussion - is that you are too clingy, think of how disarming a statement like, "If you feel like you need more space, let's talk about it." Remember that you may not have control what he says or does, but you DO have control what you say and do. A thoughtfully considered response by you can take the heat out of his fire, and show him that you care - and will remind him why he fell for you in the first place.
Don't worry about losing the battle. Think about winning the peace - the prize of which is loving devotion to you. Learn skills such as these. The above is only one of many techniques - and realize that they are healthy ways you can interact with your man and create an atmosphere of love, acceptance, and security.
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Ron Vicari is a skilled conversationalist - and brings the art of communication to a simple, fun adventure. He firmly believes that everything we do in our lives revolves around effective communication - whether it be in a social setting such as a dinner party, or in a boardroom - or in a bedroom.
Good Conversation Skills make Good Relationships!
Find him at: http://relationshipsadvices.org
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