Sometimes we go through a relatively complete life, yet feel as though something is missing. We achieve happiness, but find no fulfilment, success but no real joy, power with no peace of mind. Something is amiss somewhere, and we can't figure it out.
If this sounds like something you are experiencing, take your heart down memory lane and think - in your desire to be happy, did you make someone sad? Did you have to step on someone's toes? Or is it the other way around? Did someone offend you, yet you never accepted his apology? Did someone do you wrong, and you retaliated by doing him wrong, too?
All of these are indicative of the lack of forgiveness in one's life. When you analyse it, forgiveness seems to be such an easy thing to give, and holding it off is certainly not worth the pain and discomfort. But to one who has been aggrieved, forgiveness may be everything - a way to dignify oneself. To the wrong doer, it is also hard to do. You may experience humiliation, loss of pride, and of course, guilt. But in order to free yourself, forgiving is the key. It is the way to liberate your heart and mind from the unexplainable empty feeling. Pain, resentment, and anger all take a toll on our health. Forgiveness if the healthiest way to move forward and continue with push ahead…
Here are the simplest ways to bring forgiveness and peace a chance in your life.
Forgive yourself. As with the saying, "No one is perfect," we must first acknowledge that we have made mistakes in the past. The real problem, however, is that we tend to be harder on ourselves than we are on others. Even if we know we have done our best, we still beat ourselves to a pulp, falling into sadness after experiencing defeat or failure. The secret to easily forgive our own selves is first, identify the people you have hurt or wronged. Then make a list of what you did that you think may have offended people. Go through your list and analyse if some of the pain you have been clinging on to is really worth all the sleepless nights. For the ones that seem ridiculously trivial, let it go by saying "sorry" for torturing yourself for something so miniscule. For the bigger ones, though that need another step (asking for forgiveness), prepare to forgive yourself for doing them too. We are all human, and subject to mistakes, temptations and failure. Acknowledge that you are more than willing (no matter how difficult) to ask for forgiveness for wronging others. Accepting your mistakes is half the battle.
Ask for forgiveness. After forgiving yourself, move to clear the air with others. For most people, a former "enemy" saying sorry for something he has done to you is one of the happiest, most liberating experiences. Even if you are too embarrassed, humble yourself and talk to him face-to-face. If you, however asked for forgiveness, and the other party refuses to forgive you, then it still feels better to know that you swallowed your pride and showed your remorse. Bear in mind, though, that there will be sins or offenses which are truly hard to forgive. If you were responsible for wrecking a family with your adulterous ways, then expect the forgiving to be a long and hard process. If you committed a crime and got away with it scot-free, then you know that asking for forgiveness is not the only solution to your dilemma. However, part of the entire process is accepting the repercussions - punishment included.
Forgive others. It's one aspect of the golden rule - Do unto others what you want others to do unto you. If you want forgiveness, then you too must be willing to forgive those who have wronged you. Of course, there are those that leave lasting, hurtful and extremely traumatic effects on you - and these are the people who are hard to forgive. A friend who bullied you for being overweight and pimply in the 4th grade may have unknowingly left you insecure even as an adult about your looks. Some offenses are really difficult to forget - especially if you needed psychological counselling to get you back on track.
Surprisingly, though, the best way to get over this pain is to forgive. When you come to think of it, even if you hang on to the pain, it still won't solve any problems. You just spend decades of your life, seething in anger, unable to move on - as your tormentor completely has forgotten about any taunting or bullying he ever did to you.
When others do come back and ask for forgiveness, do yourself a favour - accept it. Not only do you liberate yourself, you enjoy a better night's sleep. There's an exhilarating feeling associated with forgiving others. Go, on give it to those who deserve it - it will be good for your heart and soul.
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Michael Griffiths is the CEO and Founder of Secrets Of A Super Life, providing individuals with personal development strategies to increase their purpose, passion, happiness and life fulfilment. For your free life success pack please visit http://www.mysuperlifetoday.com
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