Three Steps to Change Your Marriage

Recognizing and admitting a problem exists is the first step to solving it. The exact same holds true in a marriage. This first step may probably be the most difficult to take because it can be perceived as failing in the relationship and not at all consistent with our fairytale view of 'happily ever after.'

The first thing you must do to change your relationship is to quit sweating the little stuff. Couples that argue about each small detail of an argument are likely avoiding the bigger issues. These are the issues that show up time after time and never get resolved.

Are you habitually staying at your place of work too late? Is your partner or spouse feeling neglected? Is your sex life not exactly what you want? Is your life full of disappointment for both you and your partner? Do you not talk anymore? Do you find it necessary to be right all the time? If these things are coming up in your relationship they are really just symptoms of the real problems

For instance, if the problem is that your partner is working too long and too late, the fundamental theme is that he isn't able to strike a balance between work and home. You need to help him with that. If you complain that your wife is moody alot, maybe the real issue is that she just doesn't feel appreciated in the relationship. This is something you can both work on.

By understanding the true issues underneath the quarrels you will be better equipped in the future to come up with mutually advantageous solutions that will begin to change your relationship.

The 2nd key to transforming your relationship is to assess your understanding of marriage. If you truly believe that a good marriage must be like a story book you will turn out to be unhappy. Even the seemingly great couples have their defects. The difference is, they discover how to handle them. Couples in a strong marriage sit back and discuss their differences before they get away from them.

Acknowledge and accept the fact that you and your partner are not perfect. Forget about your defenses. When you admit your flaws you present your inner self to your partner. By doing this you allow doors to be opened to new ways of coping with the real dilemmas in the marriage. Acknowledging that you make mistakes and owning that might help you both find different ways of doing things.

The next key to transforming your relationship is to accept the fact that men and women are very different and both play a critical role in the relationship. Differing views and opinions are not incorrect views and opinions. Each individual brings a distinctive view point to the union and together will find a happy medium.

Step one to improving your marriage would be to work on yourself first. You do this by emphasizing the big picture, identifying underlying dilemmas fueling the fights, quit trying to always be right, and appreciate your spouse's view and value to the relationship.


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