Perfectionism is so very prevalent for working moms. We struggle with the constant balancing act of juggling work and family - wanting to be supermoms at home while being at the top of our careers at the office. Sometimes we take pride in the fact that we are perfectionists and even tout it as one of our biggest strengths during job interviews.
However, the actual fact of the matter is that perfectionism is extremely debilitating. It is a trait that makes success more and more difficult to attain. Every time they rally their energy around something they "should" be able to do and are unable to achieve the level of perfection they feel they "should", they throw in the towel and feel defeated. The perfectionist becomes their own worst enemy. Interestingly, many people that are perfectionists are not aware that they fall under this umbrella. Might that be you?
Following are a list of the most common traits of a perfectionist. Can you relate?
Top 12 Traits of Perfectionist's
1. They are impatient and disorganized.
2. They have a tendency to procrastinate and possibly either hoard certain items or become a "pack-rat".
3. Though they are driven to succeed, they often exhibit an unwillingness to try new activities or take risks because they are worried about the end result.
4. They have low self-esteem and define their self-worth by how well they achieve in all that they undertake.
5. They are unable to be spontaneous and are inflexible.
6. They have a tendency to see what isn't right with themselves, their family, and situations in general. No one can ever live up to their expectations. As a result, they experience problems in their relationships.
7. They are often hard on themselves and self-critical.
8. They experience feelings of fear, anger, depression & anxiety.
9. They are dissatisfied with any level of success they attain. Good is NEVER good enough!
10. They put pressure on themselves to reach unrealistic expectations and as a result are easily frustrated.
11. They are obsessive about things being done "right".
12. The stress associated with perfectionism impacts their physical, emotional, and relational health.
If you found that you resonated with some of the aforementioned statements, you may be suffering from perfectionism.
I want to take this opportunity to make an important point. There IS a difference between striving for excellence and being perfect. Making every effort to be really good is excellence; trying to be flawless is perfectionism. The notion of "perfect" is a misnomer. It simply does not exist. It is a trap that we fall into, whether conscious or unconscious. Perfectionism does not get us anywhere. It doesn't make you us a better mother, employee, or wife. It does not change our past, help you toward future goals, or inspire you. Lastly, perfectionism does not help your children or your husband. And, what lessons are we teaching our children? Is it healthy to "be perfect" or will they constantly be fearful of failing and not take action as a result? Our desire to be perfect impacts everything, and usually quite negatively, regardless of what is intended.
Give yourself permission to let go of perfection. Have confidence in the fact that you are doing the best that you can right now as a mother, a woman, a wife, a friend, a daughter, a worker, etc. Additional strategies that I encourage you to utilize in an effort to let go of perfectionism once and for all are as follows:
Eight ways to overcome perfectionism
1. Be gentle with yourself and remind yourself that change takes time.
2. Forgive yourself. What is done is done and you cannot take it back or get it back. It is better to forgive than to constantly dwell in the past.
3. Let go of the myth that perfection exists. Strive for excellence rather than perfectionism.
4. Identify your self-defeating beliefs/negative self-talk around being perfect. Replace those self-sabotaging thoughts with a statement that WILL serve and support you. For example, "Everything happens for a reason" or "Good is good enough".
5. Set reasonable expectations for yourself and for others.
6. Enlist help for the things you either don't have time to accomplish.
7. Because a lack of balance between work and play often fuels perfectionism, it is important to strive to maintain balance.
8. Set boundaries. Don't allow someone else to define what you "should" and "should not" be doing. Make your own choices and let go of the expectations others place on you.
Life is short and our time is precious. If we let perfectionism take over, we will miss out on the quality time we have with our loved ones and the best aspects of being a working mom. To be a successful working mom, you must do your best at work, and do your best at home. That is all you can ask and expect from yourself! If perfectionism is not remedied, it will destroy your self-confidence, your happiness, and potentially even your most treasured relationships.
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Dr. Marla Enhelder, Working Mom Coach & Mentor, is founder of Take Charge Mama. A company devoted to empowering working moms to live their best life through balancing a thriving family, fulfilling career, and a blissful self! To get your F.R.E.E. Audio CD by mail and receive her weekly newsletter packed with information rich tips that you can implement immediately, visit http://www.takechargemama.com
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