You're in a great relationship with a man, you understand each other, you do things together, but the moment you mention the word married, he gets cold feet and says he is not ready yet. What is ready, you ask? He says he does not know, but he just feels it. Why can't they just leave things the way they are. Marriage ruins a relationship, he says. Of course, he is terrified. It would be pointless to continue in the same vein as he has shut down and is not listening. What about his Friday night drinks with the boys? What if he wanted to travel across Europe or go camping with his buddies where no women were asked to come along?
Tips on how to get him to propose
1 If you are used to hectic outdoor activities give him a bungee jumping experience and when you have jumped and are swaying upside down back and forth on the ropes, hand him a note you had prepared at home which says, "I love you, babe. Let's take a chance." He will either be shaking in his pants or he will love it. Don't be afraid; this is who you are and it is your spontaneity that he likes.
2 You have done the fun thing, now do the serious thing. You both have unusual and interesting personalities and don't go about things in the usual way. Invite him to a camp out or a lodge for the weekend, away from everything, and when the fire's burning, give him his favorite hot chocolate with foam on it, and talk about how nice it would be to have a family. If he responds well, talk more about it. If he freezes up and says nothing, don't push it. If he is not saying anything negative he at least is not negating the idea. Don't bring the subject up again for a few months. Just enjoy the relationship.
3 An ideal time to bring it up again is when it is time to pay your annual taxes to the government and you bring up the fact that you should probably have an insurance policy in the event something happens. You can also talk about the benefits you will receive from the government such as joint income tax returns if you were married. Of course you are not going to say anything like this to someone you had just met two weeks earlier.
4 If he at last brings up the subject of making it legal and getting married, hug him, and feed him more hot chocolate and do not rush things by talking about dates and venues and wedding planners. Give him time to digest what he had just done. Reassure him by actions that you value him and will not rush into it. Don't talk incessantly about marriage; you have planted the seed, let it grow. As a gift, tell him he can have a drinking night alone with the guys at his house. Don't stop anything he is used to. He is signing up for spending his life with you; don't let him regret it.
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