Dating can be a pleasurable or painful experience. It begins with a biological response--attraction. The strength of that attraction guides the relationship, good or bad. Many individuals stay with a person who doesn't truly fulfill their needs because the underlying attraction overpowers the ability to make the intelligent choice to move on.
Most of the time, the problem stems from missing a crucial step in the dating and relationship process: defining what you want--and don't want--in a person. Without this clarity, it's easy to find yourself attached to a woman who just isn't the right fit.
Several scenarios can then occur:
The relationship is painful. It's jamming that proverbial square peg in the round hole. It doesn't fit, but you're forcing the issue, which creates discomfort, dissatisfaction, and downright agony. But you can't pull yourself away because you've allowed yourself to become too emotionally attached. Your partner senses the ill-fitting relationship and drifts--being unfaithful to test other waters. Cheating in a relationship is a sure sign of a major problem. You have to ask yourself what you want from a woman. If trust and fidelity is high on your list, then you have to recognize that a woman who cheats on you now is not the right choice. She leaves. You invest deeply with you emotions but a relationship is a two-way street. If both people are not in synch, accept that you were with the wrong person and allow yourself to learn from the experience. Then move on, thankful that at least one person had the ability to walk away.
It's understandable to choose a person based on chemistry and connection, but becoming emotionally attached based solely on that criteria is a big mistake. Selection is crucial, and it begins with defining your needs and wants.
Take a piece of paper and define who you DON'T want to fall in love with. That could include women who smoke, take drugs, drink too much, party a lot, live far away, have no life plans, or already have a boyfriend. Be clear on why these factors are important to you. If you know that you can't handle a long-distance relationship, for example, don't compromise. Don't allow yourself to believe "maybe this time it will be different" because it won't. You're only giving yourself a weak excuse to put your hopes into a relationship that will inevitably fail.
Next, make a list of what you really want in a woman so that you'll easily recognize her. The things she says and does tick all the boxes on your wish list and she shows no signs of the traits you put on your "Don't" list.
While you wait for that ideal partner to come into your life, you can still enjoy wonderful, interesting, and intriguing women. Just don't let yourself become attached to someone who is wrong for you.
SELECTION first--LOVE second.
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