All types of people struggle with self-confidence, but women encounter some unique challenges along the way. Women are simply not socialized to present themselves as confident in the same way that men are, and often what is deemed self-confidence in men is called arrogance or worse in women. All of these things hinder the efforts of women gaining self confidence, but they need not put a stop to it. Below are some of the things women can do to increase their self-confidence.
Finding a role model is important. It's great if this person is someone in the woman's day-to-day life who can become a mentor, but that's not always possible. A role model can be a prominent, accomplished woman who's in the news; a role model can be someone from fiction, television or movies. If a fictional character is chosen, care should be taken to ensure that the role model isn't too unrealistic or a woman will simply feel worse for falling short of the impossible, but fictional characters can also be wonderful examples to shore up confidence under the most difficult conditions.
Finding a role model can help with the next step, playing a role. "Imposter syndrome" gets a lot of buzz these days; it's simply the sense successful people have of somehow not really being responsible for their victories and not belonging to the high position they are in. Part of self-confidence means not being derailed by these kinds of normal thoughts. For those who have not achieved the successes they're striving for, it's still necessary to act like someone who has. For example, a woman may think she can't run a meeting successfully. The cure for that is to stride into the room like someone who can run the meeting and take charge.
While women are seizing opportunities to play a part until that part feels like an aspect of their personalities, they also must learn to avoid catastrophizing. Catastrophizing undermines confidence, and it involves imagining the worst-case scenario spiraling out of every situation. Catastrophizing that meeting one has to run would go something like this: What if I stand up in front of everyone and I freeze? What if I'm standing there frozen and I still can't think of anything to say? What if everyone laughs and I end up getting fired and I can never find a job again? Irrational thought patterns like these need to be recognized and turned into solution-based thoughts. If one freezes in the middle of a meeting, a good solution is to stop for a few seconds, take a deep breath, center oneself, glance at one's notes if needed and continue.
With all of the above in mind, women should then begin building on their accomplishments and the things they're good at. Success and confidence spawn more success and confidence. The difficult meeting was a success and no one froze up for long, fainted or got fired; the woman seeking self-confidence can now consider giving presentations in front of larger groups. Ideally, she should work on things she enjoys to increase the chances of success.
By visualizing strong role models, behaving like someone with confidence, avoiding indulgence in worst-case scenario thinking and building on successes, women can embrace self-confidence and make great advances personally and professionally.
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