Most parents are concerned when their children hurt someone in the playground or when their children were attacked by an aggressive kid. However, children by nature do not want to attack or hurt someone, they are more into playing. When children feel that they belong, are loved and accepted by others, they are much flexible in their play with other children.
Aggression is a behavior or a disposition that is forceful, which results in social dominance. Aggression in children can be physical or verbal and it varies based on the situation. Physical assertiveness can be hurting other playmates and verbal assertiveness can include abusing, accusing, shouting or name - calling. Relational aggression is mostly used by teenagers through bullying and social manipulation.
There is a different response to aggression between boys and girls. It is reported that social and relational aggression are mostly used by girls. Girls tend to control another's ability to maintain rapport with peers by hurting their relationship with others. The aggressive strategy includes rumors, gossip and social exclusion. Girls tell their peers not to associate with the other girl as a means of retaliation thus staring the rumors and gossips to spread the social exclusion.
Boys on the other hand, use physical aggression to the extent that they physically fight each other by hitting, pushing, kicking and
shoving.
The consequences of aggression for both victims and aggressors result in serious problems with developing their self esteem and their personality and it can have far-reaching effects in their lives including depression and suicide. Relational aggression can affect the learning and growing development of a child in school.
Help your children control their aggression by:
• Listening when they are angry - Most children run for help when they are angry, they run to their closest person to cry and shriek in fear. This will be your time to listen to why they run and why they are angry. Do not stop them from freaking out but listen to what they are complaining about. The crying and trembling lighten them up from falling apart.
• Stop the commotion before it ends up destructively - Boys tend to hurt someone when they are caught in the situation that made
them angry, if they can't run for help and if they can't think. Children who are about to be physical aggressive, give subtle signals like an impassive look and passionless look and from that moment it will be your time to interrupt the commotion between the children.
Talk to both parties about what happened and suggest a solution to their misunderstanding.
• Parents should be ahead of the situation - Ask your children about school and how are they feeling about their peers, classmates and even teachers. This can put you ahead of the situation before they could experience or perform aggression. Children could let their emotions out while opening up to you.
If you are concerned or worried with your child's aggressive behavior then find someone who can listen to you and can give you professional advice.
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PS Counselling are qualified psychologists in Hawthorn, Victoria specialising in working with children who are experiencing childhood trauma, Borderline Personality Disorder, depression and anxiety. Find out more about recognizing anxiety in children (http://www.pscounselling.com.au/childrenadolescents/presenting-problems/anxiety )
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