As a business and life coach and speaker, I have to admit something: I am fascinated by why we don't do our best, even when we know exactly what we need to do to make a positive change in our lives and be the best we can be.
Look around you and you'll see boatloads of articles on eating right, looking your best (and youngest), being the best lover, mother, wife, friend, and so on, but what keeps us mired in second-, third- (or worse) best? What keeps us from being and feeling our best? Plus if we really think we HAVE TO do all that those self-help articles counsel, what's to keep us from throwing ourselves off the nearest skyscraper?
Why don't we take a different approach. Imagine if we concentrate on being good at NOT being the best? What will we learn about ourselves when we examine why we are NOT destined for perfection?
To help us revel in our imperfections, I decided to write a reverse self-help article for those of us who are over achievers. So off we go...
HOW TO BE THE BEST AT NOT BEING THE BEST
Follow these simple steps and you'll be well on your way to being human, or worse:
1) Destroy all your self-help, motivational, and inspirational books and magazines. Resolve only to read recipes for liver anything and natural colonics, the obituaries in your newspaper, and bios of only the most horrific serial killers. Make sure those serial killers you read about have killed at least twenty innocent people… or they don't count as truly disturbing.
2) Refer to and quote from the stomach-wrenching stuff you're reading at inopportune moments--in birthday cards, your email signature, and of course, your cell phone voicemail message. ("Hi, this is Dr. Barnsley. I'm away from the phone, slicing up my mother-in-law and putting her in Ziploc freezer baggies like Jeffery used to do. Just leave a voicemail and I'll get back to you if I don't have a better alternative."
3) Keep your cell phone (and ringer with the theme from "Halloween") on at all times. Be sure to text every 30 seconds. If your fingertips don't rival Brillo pads and you're not feeling close to insane, you are not doing this step enough. Resolve to text, tweet, or update your Facebook status more, especially about the most inane things (i.e. what your dog just did on the Oriental rug, how many sleeping pills you took last night, and what kind of dressing you had on your salad--It had better be creamy full-fat Bleu Cheese since that is by far the most artery-clogging choice you could make.)
4) Take your cell phone with its five thousand apps to bed with you, rather than your lover. Put it under your pillow and be sure to update your social networking status at least four times each hour during your night's "sleep". Oh, and as for sleep, forget about those recommended eight hours. Endeavor to sleep just one or max two hours each evening. After all, you do need to keep updating at all hours, and you do want to keep your Cortisol levels as high as possible so you can be 100% frazzled.
Stay tuned for the next half of my best--or worst--article ever! But for the moment, friend, consider what you've learned in this article and keep on being the best at not being the best.
Really, do you want to be a Barbie?? Perfection is plastic--and toxic to your humanity.
What's it going to be, sweetheart? Barbie or little 'ole you, burning up your self-help literature and revelling in what reverse self-help can do for you?
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Dr. Barnsley Brown is a professional speaker and coach who loves helping busy professionals create balance and prosperity. Want to have 2+ more hours every day for who and what you love? Find out how with Dr. Brown's fun, FREE info-packed report, "How to Overcome Overwhelm in Seven Easy Steps" at http://spirited-solutions.com/freebies/reports/
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