After your wife has an affair, nothing seems to makes sense anymore. How can the most important person in your life betray your marriage and above all else, your trust? When a man gets cheated on one of the questions he asks himself over and over again is why. Understanding the reasons why the affair happened is an effort to make sense of the world once again.
Women have affairs for a number of different reasons, which is why it is important to look the entire picture. Keep in mind that understanding the reasons that she had an affair doesn't by any way mean that it was okay. It just adds to your understanding of what is going on. It doesn't let her off the hook at all.
The ultimate reason she chose to have an affair is simply because she used her free will and made her choice. For a lot of men that doesn't help you understand your wife's psychology of what she was going through when she made that decision, it doesn't help you understand the feelings that may have made her more susceptible to an affair, and it doesn't help you to really understand the conditions that were in place that made the affair happen.
Overall, there are seven reasons why your wife might have had an affair. It is important that you gain an understanding of the substance behind that choice to cheat so that you can create meaning from the affair to prevent another affair from happening. It will also help you make the important decision of whether or not you stay with your wife in the end.
The first reason women cheat is Positive Mirroring which is something that naturally occurs at the beginning of most romantic relationships. The other man involved in this situation probably reflected back to your wife a very positive image of herself by giving compliments telling her everything about her is great, she deserves the best and so forth. Your wife starts to get these wonderful feelings about herself when she is around the other guy, and she starts wondering why she is not feeling these feelings with you anymore and that's when the affair happens.
The second reason your wife might have had an affair is unmet emotional needs. For women it often begins with having an emotional connection with another man and then that, in turn, leads to something sexual down the road. One of the most important emotional needs topping the list for women is appreciation. Many men think that working hard for the family makes women feel appreciated. The fact is she might appreciate you working hard but that doesn't make her feel that you appreciate her for who she is.
The third reason is something I call the good husband trap. It's where your intention is good but you actually try too hard to keep your wife happy. In an ideal situation each partner should work about as hard as the other on the relationship and if there is a lack of balance in the relationship then that increases the chance that someone is going to cheat. If your wife isn't giving as much to you as you are to her when it comes to your relationship, then when another guy comes along, it makes it easier for her to cheat because she isn't emotionally tied down to you.
The fourth reason is we try to please our wife and what we do is we trade our status for her approval. For example, we want peace in the household so we end up giving in to our wife over and over to please her. Essentially, we just let her have whatever she wants and this gives her higher social status in terms of the relationship. In effect, we are not "wearing the pants" anymore. In the short term husbands that do this get peace because the wife seems to be happy on the surface. Long term though often what happens is the wife loses her sexual attraction for you because women are not attracted in general to guys with lower social status then them.
The fifth reason is that most women have a very unrealistic expectation of marriage itself. When women's expectations about marriage aren't met this is where they turn to another man, hoping that he will be able to fulfill those expectations. When a woman cheats she often feels an overwhelming guilt for destroying all of those beautiful images of marriage that she had. For many women they take that guilt that they are having and they transform it into blaming their husbands for their bad behavior.
The sixth reason is not having adequate agreed-upon boundaries about what is okay and what is not okay as far as behavior in the marriage. There is a couple of different areas for boundaries such as social media, eating & drinking alcohol in mixed company, as well general conversations with the opposite sex. Most men don't want to admit that there is a possible threat to the fidelity of the marriage. It's our male ego. We don't want to admit that maybe my wife could actually be attracted to someone else at some point so we have this false sense of security. For this reason, it is important that boundaries are established.
The seventh reason is if there is a lack of sexual connection or fulfillment perceived by your wife. A lot of the time women cheat primarily for emotional reasons but there are also times when women cheat more for sexual reasons. If she is sexually unhappy in the marriage, this can be the reason she has cheated. You need to address this issue because if your wife is not happy with you sexually, if she has an affair, and then you try to get back together with her and heal the marriage without addressing the sexual issues between you and her, then you are just setting yourself up for another affair.
It is important that you get to the bottom of the reasons your wife chose to cheat and gain an understanding so that you can prevent another affair from happening.
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Kevin Jackson has helped thousands of men recover as quickly as possible after their wife had an affair. He is an internationally recognized relationship coach, best-selling author, and has designed a proven 4-step approach to successfully heal from infidelity. If your wife had an affair, and you would like more information on how to successfully heal, go to http://www.WifeCheatedReport.com.
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