Lesson one. Close your eyes and feel any pain in your body, mind and heart. Try not to push it away. Let it come, let it rise within you without fear or anger. Feel it deeply. Be compassionate with it. Do not hate it or wish it away. Love it and be neutral. Notice where you feel this pain, whether it is physical, mental or emotional. Where in your body is this pain felt? As you become intimate with it, recognize where it truly comes from. What or where is the source of this pain? Where is it birthed from?
Let a color arise within you. Let this color fill your whole being and pain. See what happens. Notice any changes that occur within you when we don't push the pain away but accept it. When I did this, my pain began to soften and the more I let it soften, the more it began to dissolve. Name it with a single word. For me, the color was green and the word was softening. Green is the color of the heart chakra. Softening was a way for me to let my pain dissolve. I offer back to God as a gift of who I am and who I am becoming. I offer it at the alter of my heart to feel more connected to the Source.
Lesson two. My teacher asked me to take inventory and write in a separate journal all my past pains that I have experienced in my entire life. From the first time I felt hurt or disappointed to the present day. I was to write how these hurts made me feel. What was my emotional response? What was the recourse? I did this one night. I started from my first memory of pain as a child. I went through each year of my life writing down my most secret horrors until I reached the present day. As I was writing, I cried like I haven't cried in a very long time. I had never done an exercise like this before so I was shocked once I had finished writing and saw my life's pain in black and white before me. My first thought was, "No wonder I haven't allowed myself to become vulnerable to anyone. No wonder I have depended solely upon myself to live my life." I had become hardened and jaded from the experiences I have endured from early childhood on. But I also realized that I do not need to hold on to this story. It is a part of my past. It is not who I AM!
The next step was to forgive each person who had hurt me. Again the tears flowed. My teacher said I may not forgive them as my human ego based self, but I can certainly forgive them in my higher Self! Each page was a separate forgiveness to these people. Each word was one of understanding that they too, had their own suffering to endure and that they were truly doing the best they could at that time. After all they are only human, trying to live to the highest that they knew how to. Most of these people haven't been blessed with the guidance of a spiritual teacher. Most of these people were hurt children themselves with their own unresolved issues. They were suffering in their own way. When I could see them for who they were, hurt children in an adult embodiment, it became much easier to be compassionate toward them.
To forgive them, allowed me to free myself from the holding I allowed them to have over me. I began to let go of the life story I believed to be true for myself. I was able to release the old belief systems that was imposed upon me. I am not these experiences nor these thoughts. I am not these pains and negative emotions. I am a child of the Divine! I am Divine! "I AM, I Always Love Myself, I Always Shine!" are the words my guru continues to remind me to help me remember who I truly am.
Forgiveness is not a gift we give to those who have hurt us, even though it is a benefit to them when we verbally forgive those people. Forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves to free ourselves from the suffering we have allowed ourselves to carry within us and silently endure for years. It is the gift of releasing old patterns of being in ourselves. Fogiveness is a revelatory gift we give ourselves when we realize who we truly are! It is beautiful and it is absolutely freeing!
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