Practical Relationship Skills: 3 Barriers To Listening Well When On A Date

Q: In your opinion, what prevents singles from listening well when on a date?

A: That's a great question.

While I was speaking to a group of singles recently, I asked them to send me their most important questions about dating and relationship skills. That's how this question came my way, and it's one I never would have thought of myself.

3 Barriers

As I have thought about the answer, I have come up with 3 barriers that prevent singles from listening well when on a date.

Barrier #1: Pretending to listen

This one happens a lot. We pretend we are listening to our date, when we are not really listening at all. Our minds are full and miles away when our date is talking to us. Sound familiar?

What to do instead:

Be an authentic listener. Clear your mind. Focus on your date. Step outside of your own world, your thoughts, your feelings and genuinely hear what your date is saying so that you can experience what your date is feeling.

Barrier #2: Listening but not understanding

This is an especially painful experience for our date because when we listen and fail to understand, we fail to understand our date's feelings. And yet, it is almost unbelievable how often this happens, even among singles who want to be good listeners.

What to do instead:

Respond to your date's feelings with understanding and care and then see what happens next. Trust me, your date will appreciate you! When you listen and understand your date, you not only hear their deepest feelings, you validate their self-worth and strengthen their self-esteem.

Barrier#3: Failing to enter your date's world

This is the biggest, the most common type of barrier at listening that even well-meaning singles can make the most often. We fail to enter into our date's world, we fail to see their point of view. We don't look at their point of view through their eyes. We look at it through our own!

What to do instead:

When you listen to your date, leave your world behind for the moment and enter into your date's world. Understand your date's point of view. See your date's world as though you were looking at it through your date's eyes.

But don't rely only on hearing your date's words with your ears. Use your eyes and your heart, too and observe how your date looks, their mannerisms, their tone of voice, their body language, their eye contact.

Overcome these three barriers to listening well when you are on a date and you will be on your way to truly learning how to love.

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