Friday, November 25, 2011

Dear Coach Scott

Dear Coach Scott: How do I know that I am ready for a committed relationship?

- Ready Or Not For A Committed Relationship

Dear RONFACR:

There are really three steps to getting ready for a committed relationship and I call them the Triangle Test:

- Identifying your Readiness Issues
- Knowing what you want, and
- Having a positive attitude and being intentional

So let's first focus on identifying your readiness issues. Ask yourself "What do I want to change? What baggage am I carrying that will hold me back from having the relationship that I truly want?" Do you need to improve key areas of your life before you will be ready for a relationship? Perhaps its your financial situation, your health or fitness, your emotional or mental state. Once you've identified the changes you need to make ask yourself, "What's my plan for effecting change and what are the actions steps I need to take to achieve my goals?" So this all about cleaning out what isn't working in your life and starting with a fresh slate. So that's the first part of the triangle.

The second part of the Triangle Test is knowing what you want. Sometimes assessing what you don't want is a good place to start. You can look at previous relationships to understand what went wrong and why. What are the key learnings from those relationships? You can also look at the positive elements of past relationships because this will also provide additional clues to determining what you do want. Then you need to figure out your deal breakers. Be clear on what you must have in a relationship including how you expect to be treated by your partner. What is non-negotiable? A good example of something that's non-negotiable is the desire to have children because let's face it, you can't have half a child. This is a non-negotiable requirement. So remember when you're talking about deal breakers and thinking about deal breakers that they're always black and white, there's no in between, there's no compromise. Then you can mine your values and your vision. What are they? How clear is your vision? How do your values reflect the way you want to live your life? Understanding your life vision and values plays a really critical role in assessing compatibility with a potential partner. Know that the love of your dreams will honor, cherish, and share your values and vision. So this is a really crucial insight into what makes a successful relationship.

The third and final part of the triangle is having a positive attitude and being intentional. Be happy with your life and with yourself. Be grateful for what you have. Look at life from a half-full versus half-empty perspective, and live your life as a successful single. Don't put your life on hold while you wait for your partner to show up. So that means getting involved in new activities, pursuing your interests and having fun. Believe that love can and will happen for you this year, and make the decision to find your soul mate.

If you can answer the three parts of the Triangle Test, you will be on your way to being ready for a committed relationship.

Warmly,

Coach Scott


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