You have to realize an essential fact: Men and women are wired differently. Women are wired to be natural multi-taskers and do three or four things at a time, whereas men are wired to focus on one thing at a time. This is why when a man leaves home, it is very easy for him to physically and mentally leave home and its responsibilties behind. Women, however, carry home with us, and are constantly worrying, planning, and strategizing to try to execute what is on our too-long to-do list.
Please recall that in part one, I exhorted you to get some of your responsibilities off your plate before it cracks. Secondly, you learned to emphasize the specific behaviors you need from the men, children, and co-workers or employees in your life. You have to be Windex-clear about what you want done and who is going to do it--and then you have to let it go.
When a task is not done or is done poorly, you have to let the person responsible for it solve the problem. As women, we have a natural inclination to jump in like Wonder Woman and rescue those who have caused the problem. But really gals, the only thing we should be rescuing are Greyhounds, not the "dogs" who want us to scoop up their poop rather than be accountable.
Rescuing also shows up in the workplace and is quite interesting to examine. When you have a female manager as opposed to a male manager, subordinates working under that female manager (both male and female) often expect to have their hands held through projects. They expect to be nurtured or "mothered" and this creates a harmful work dynamic for all involved unless you take decisive action.
Let me give you an example. A savvy corporate executive came to me for some kick-butt coaching. She felt like she was rushing all the time and could never get her projects completed. Why? Individuals were barging in on her, interrupting the work she was doing because they wanted help on projects that were their responsibility. She was at the end of her rope and her work performance was being negatively affected.
We devised a strategy to help this people-pleasing executive set positive boundaries at work. First she sent out a memo that she would be available for help at particular times of the day. We set those times for 7:30 to 8:00 in the morning and 5:00 to 5:30 in the afternoon, before and after the normal work day. (Pay close attention since this is the secret to YOUR success with this strategy!)
What happened when her "open-door" office hours changed? You're right--The people who were relying on her to do their work stopped showing up. Imagine that! Miraculously, they became able to do their own work when it meant they would have to come in early or leave late to exploit her expertise and helpful attitude. My client was empowered to get her own work done, which meant she was a lot less stressed and much more productive and valuable to the company.
Similarly, our loved ones can expect us to take care of everything at home. Usually women are expected to run the household and make sure everyone's needs are met. However instead of taking care of everyone in our sphere of influence, we need to be rigorous about setting limits. If we don't have healthy boundaries, we will find that our productivity and happiness are suffering—We start to feel irritated and angry over little stuff. Our lives become full of drama and drudgery rather than excitement and success.
To review, we can reduce stress and create work-life balance provided that 1) we clear some stuff off our plates (and keep it off too!); 2) clarity the exact behaviors we need from other people; and 3) set boundaries when people want us to clean up their messes for them. Let's say it again: We need to stop cleaning up other people's sh#t at work and at home. But how?
When your kids don't have clean underwear (because you left it under the bed where they carelessly tossed it—good girl!), they'll quickly learn to put dirty clothes in the hamper if they want to have clean ones. And when your co-workers want you to solve their work problems, you can kindly remark, "I'm sure you'll figure out a way to solve this—You're so creative and enthusiastic," then continue with your project. (It's time for you to acquire the uni-focus that men were naturally born with, hon!)
Remember, when you are trying to create work-life balance, the changes you make professionally are going to impact your personal life and vice versa. As you practice having healthy boundaries at work or at home, what you do in one arena will naturally impact the other. You'll see that you are taking better charge of your time and managing yourself and others well. It's YOUR responsibility to reduce stress in your life. So put down that pooper scooper, dear, and get cracking!
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Dr. Barnsley Brown is a professional speaker and coach who loves helping busy professionals create balance and prosperity. Want to have 2+ more hours every day for who and what you love? Find out how with Dr. Brown's fun, info-packed report, "How to Overcome Overwhelm in Seven Easy Steps" at http://spirited-solutions.com/freebies/reports/
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