Sunday, June 16, 2013

Gratitude, Happiness, and Positive Psychology: The Perfect Year Round Valentine

When life is throwing stones in and at you and your glass house, take a step outside to see what society is up to. It is not as scary as it sounds. Log off of your Facebook account and take a walk, just like I did. As I wandered through the aisles of my grocery store, I am definitely reminded what month it is. Flowers in red and pink and white, candy message hearts, and boxes of chocolate strew the store with their festivity. I am talking about, of course, February, the month of love.

It is the season for valentines, as well, and though we might only send them once a year, haven't you ever wanted to keep a few on hand? What if we gave a valentine that would last all year round? What if that valentine could be sent to anyone influential in our lives, be they a partner, friend, associate, client, or someone we admire professionally? If it helps, you can think of it as fan mail once February is over.

In Positive Psychology, studies show that a valentine can generate happiness. In the same way, writing a gratitude letter to someone-a loved one, a beloved teacher or coach, even an esteemed client or colleague-has been shown to have a mood-boosting effect that will last for months. So what if we sent such "valentine" gratitude letters all year round? According to the studies out there, we would probably find ourselves happier overall, no matter what our circumstances.

We might even end up like Valentine, who created the valentine in the middle of a pretty bad set of circumstances. You need not ask me to tell you the story; read on to find out.

One popular legend says Valentine was an early Christian in Rome. The Romans still persecuted Christians in the Roman Empire but Valentine persisted in practicing his own faith and steadfastly turned down conversion. This enraged Emperor Claudius II and he put Valentine in the slammer…. Not an atmosphere very conducive to feeling gratitude, would you say?

For those romantics, there is a twist: Some scholars believe that during his imprisonment, Valentine befriended the jailer's blind daughter. She brought him notes and flowers from his fans, the children. Receiving these visits and gifts must have been nice but the fact remained that Valentine was still in prison.

Some believe that the jailer's daughter and the future saint fell in love. Before he was executed, Valentine purportedly prayed for the jailer's daughter and she regained her sight. (So he helped perform miracles too, further propelling him towards saint status.) Before his untimely demise, Valentine reportedly sent a goodbye letter to the jailer's daughter, which he signed, "From your Valentine" of course.."

Those were some pretty harsh circumstances for sending a valentine. That sheds some brighter light on Valentine's Day and the idea of gratitude even in your darkest hour. We have a lot to learn from the late great Saint Valentine.

I pray you are not waiting to send off a letter of appreciation to those you love or admire until you are trapped, literally or figuratively, or on Death's doorstep. I defeinitely do not want you to have a death bed confession session, no matter how dramatic you may be. Tell those people how you really feel right now so you can live in the present moment and be happy.

As always, I have work for you to do. Choose someone who motivated or inspired you. Grab a pen and paper, because handwritten notes are more heartfelt and a lost art, and start writing your letter of gratitude; tell them how they pulled you from darkness, or gave you a little more to smile about one day. Perhaps they influenced an entire career change and set you on the path to your bliss. You'll be happier whether it hits the mail box or not.

And you know, why not spread the love by sending it? It will give you a chance to complete your task to its fullest. A gratitude letter, however short, sure beats a 99 cent card printed and purchased in bulk. Plus, the people who have positively impacted your life will be grateful to know their lives have made a difference!

I am asking you to do it now, while there is still time to write and send that special "valentine."


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