At some point in our lives, most of us have experienced a relationship that was less than ideal. Heartache and disappointment may have followed broken promises and unkept pledges. Habit and fear might have fooled us into thinking we had no other options, that this is really all there is, all we really deserve.
When we're in the thick of things, our emotions stretched almost to their limit, it can be difficult to step back and assess when enough really is enough. It's so very easy to keep holding onto the false hope that maybe things will miraculously improve; that our partner will take the steps necessary in order to change; that he or she might somehow bring about the transformation that would at last make everything all right.
Yes, miracles can happen. And people can alter - you've probably witnessed that already, as you watched your relationship deteriorate - but if you're trapped in a bad situation, where any hope of real and lasting change has gone, then perhaps it really is time for you to take the bull by the horns and move on. Perhaps you owe it to yourself, finally, to reclaim your life.
Here are my tips for ending a bad relationship and getting back on the path to healthy living:
1. Recognize it's time to go
- Do you feel unhappy more than you feel happy with this person? Do you feel guilty or fearful about wanting to end things? Do you ever dread having to be with him/her? If you're nodding your head, then it may well be time to go. Making the decision to end it will be one of the most difficult parts of the process. Relationships don't usually go bad overnight. The negative things slowly build up over time. It can be difficult to see just how bad it really has become when you're right in the middle of it - but if things are to change for the better, then see you must.
2. Assess the situation
- Take a step back and assess your relationship. Most relationships have both there positive and their negative aspects. In concentrating exclusively on the bad things, you might run the risk of being surprised by your own emotions in the future, and sliding back into those old patterns. Instead, acknowledge some of the good things you had in the relationship, but don't focus on or over emphasis these aspects, either. Recognize that the bad things are outweighing the good and that they probably have been for quite some time now. You really deserve so much better. Tough as it may be, isn't it time to finally move on?
3. Develop a plan of action
- How will you break up with your partner? How will you react if they try to convince or bully you into staying or coming back? What will you do in those weaker moments when you miss your partner terribly and you're dying to contact them? Having a plan in place can help you to follow through with your decision. If you can anticipate some of the things that are likely to happen when you tell your partner, and how you can calmly and wisely respond, you will be less likely to go back on your decision.
4. Be "selfish"
- Now is the time to focus on your self. When you've been in the habit of giving so much of yourself to another person, it can feel strange to begin to focus on yourself. It shouldn't feel this way. While being childishly selfish is not the most mature of qualities, there is another kind of selfishness - a healthy 'self interest' - that is not only a wonderful, grown-up quality, but the precursor of earned self-respect and robust self-esteem. Isn't it time, now, to take care of your own needs?
5. Now what?
- You have been putting a lot of energy into this relationship and you've probably been doing it for quite some time. Now it's over you might well find yourself with a space to fill. It's important to think about how you're going to fill this possible void. What activities have you let fall to the wayside since you've been in that old, stale relationship? What remains for you to newly discover? Now's the time to again take up those favourite activities, the ones you used to enjoy, and to try out some brand new ones, too.
6. Create a support network
- No matter how bad your relationship was, you relied on your partner for a lot of things. He or she may well have been the person you turned to after a trying day, or maybe they were the only person there, regardless of the kind of day you had. Make sure you have the support of trustworthy friends and family who will listen to you and help you when you're feeling down. If there really is no one you feel you can turn to at this moment, the don't be afraid to talk with your doctor, explain the situation and ask for a referral to a counselor or an organization that can help. Reach out and make contact. There really is a whole, big world out there, and it really isn't so very scary.
7. Stick to your guns
- Once you really have taken the decision to end things, there may be moments of doubt or weakness when you'll be tempted to change your mind and go back on your decision. You are the only one that knows what is best for you. Don't let your partner make you feel guilty for leaving, and let no one bully you one way or the other. Only you know what you need. This really is your life. Isn't now the time for you to live it?
'You lose what you cling to.' Guatama Buddha
----------------------------------------------------
Peter Field is a Fellow of the Royal Society of Health, and a Board Certified hypnotherapist. Information on therapy can be found on his website http://www.peterfieldhypnotherapy.co.uk Peter's powerful self-hypnosis MP3 download 'Letting Go of the Past' is now available at http://www.hypnosiscdmp3downloads.com
EasyPublish this article: http://submityourarticle.com/articles/easypublish.php?art_id=344405
No comments:
Post a Comment