Once upon a time in a rural Chinese village, there was an old man who people considered very wise. They trusted his judgment and frequently came to him with their questions and concerns.
One day a poor farmer approached the man with a terrible dilemma. "Oh wise man, help me," he pleaded. "A horrible thing has happened. My ox died, and now I have no animal to help me plow my field! Isn't this just the worst thing that could have happened?" The wise man replied by saying, "maybe so, and then again, maybe not." Irritated that the man didn't seem to grasp the seriousness of his predicament, her rushed back home and told all this neighbors that the wise man had lost his marbles.
Yet as life would have it, the first thing the following day, a healthy, strong horse meandered onto the man's property. Staring at this majestic beast, it occurred to him that he could tame this horse and hitch it up to the plow. This ended up being a far more efficient way to plow the fields than his old, slow ox. So he returned to the wise man and offered his apologies, confessing that he had been wrong to doubt his wisdom, Losing the ox had turned out to be a hidden blessing! Surely now, however, the elder must agree that this was certainly just about the best thing that could have happened.
"Maybe it is," the wise man replied. "But then again, maybe it is not." This statement made the farmer even angrier than he was before. He took off in a tizzy, thinking the wise man was merely jealous of his good fortune.
The farmer went about his business and forgot about the wise man's comment. The next day, however an unfortunate thing happened. The farmer's lad was atop this new horse when it bucked. The boy was tossed to the earth and broke his leg. This was indeed a disaster! Now the farmer had nobody to help him harvest his crops, which meant they could rot in the fields, causing his family to go hungry. More distraught than ever, the farmer headed back to the elder again, hoping for some sympathy. "How could you have known that this horse was a bad thing?" he asked. "Your wisdom must know no limits. Now however, you must surely admit that this development has got to be the WORST THING that ever did happen." The wise man answered with his typical candor. "Perhaps it is, but on the other hand, perhaps it's not." Furious, the farmer rushed away in disbelief.
A week later, government troops arrived to canvas the village. They took every able-bodied man of a certain age to be drafted into the war that had just broken out. All the new recruits from this village were sent to the front line, where each and every on was cut down in battle. But because the farmer's son had broken his leg the week earlier, he alone was spared and could now carry on the family name.
Prophets of Disaster.
The moral of the story is this: We often spend an enormous amount of time and energy fretting future catastrophes which never arrive. Life throws us a curveball that interferes with our plans, and we automatically assume the worst. Psychologists call this "fortune telling," and it can add a lot of unnecessary stress and anxiety to our lives.
Our brains are anxiety machines by nature. But recognizing this tendency in ourselves can help buffer against this natural inclination.
The truth is that some of our best experiences and most wonderful opportunities arise from what at first seem like terrible developments. An unwanted move, a lost job . . . many things which turn out to be a stepping stone in our lives seem like a disastrous setback at the time.
We don't ever know how things will turn out:. Ever. In fact, studies show we aren't very good at predicting what's best for us in the first place. What people assume will make them happy often doesn't, and what they overlook or see as negative or insignificant often turns out to have a positive impact on their lives. Therefore these goals of ours that we fret so much about aren't necessarily even pointing us in the right direction to begin with.
So the next time life throw you a curveball and your mind is telling you how disastrous this development will be, you have two choices. Either run around in despair like the man in the story, fretting that the sky is falling, or just shrug your shoulders and say, "maybe, maybe not."
----------------------------------------------------
Be sure to visit our website ( http://www.keeppyourchildsafe.org ) for a variety of free books and resources to help your family, including information on emotional healing. ( http://www.keepyourchildsafe.org/psychology/stop-blaming.html ) You can also follow us on Twitter @GCFparents.
No comments:
Post a Comment