"You have no control over what anyone thinks. You only have control of what you think." -Anonymous
This is the age old question that everyone who is going through the end of a relationship wants to know. And, it's the one question that you may never have the answer to. For arguments sake let's say that your ex is thinking of you.
Does that make you feel better? Sure, you want to have mattered in this person's life that you devoted so much of your life to. You want to know that all of the love, time and commitment meant something. And, you may also feel that it validates your worth on some level.
If they are any kind of decent person and you shared a "real" relationship with them, of course it's only natural for them to think of you from time to time. But the reality is they are probably not thinking of you in the way you wish they were.
Or, conversely, let's say they really aren't thinking of you and they are actually going on with their life. How does that make you feel? Most times it drives you crazy because here you are not being able to think of much else but them, and there they are skipping merrily down Divorce or Breakup Lane.
It is so difficult to even comprehend how they can just dismiss you or discard what you shared and move on so easily with their life when you are suffering and all you seem to do is think of them.
Now here are the cold hard facts. It really doesn't matter if they are thinking of you or not. Oh, maybe it will soothe your crushed ego but in the long run you are never going to know anyway so what's the difference?
Even if you had the opportunity to ask them if they think of you, what do you think the answer will be? "Oh sure I do, you were a big part of my life. Or, not really because I'm so busy." Seriously, which response is going to make a difference if your relationship is over?
If your marriage or relationship is over and your ex is clearly moving on with his/her life what good would it do for them to think of you and dwell on the past? And, what good does it do for you? Does it make you feel better to think of them all of the time? Or, does it make you feel worse?
Do you want to think of them all of the time? Of course you don't. So why do you want them to think of you all of the time?
Typically it is to validate that you meant something to them and trust me, you did mean something or they wouldn't have spent so much time with you in the first place. But, the painful reality is sometimes people's feelings change and you are left holding the bag so to speak.
The emotional baggage that comes inside that bag you are holding onto isn't worth another precious second of your time. So throw it out with the trash. Bless them and release them from your mind and heart. Begin to pick up the pieces of your life and move on and before you know it you won't be thinking of them either.
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Susan Russo is an author and coach who has helped people from around the world move beyond heartache and pain after their breakup or divorce. Would you like to heal your broken heart sooner rather than later? Find out exactly how with Susan'sFREE copy of the 7 Steps to heal your broken heart at: http://www.whystay.com
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