There's simply no denying, we reside in a social world, one that can be difficult to manage for those who don't look at themselves as outgoing extroverts. If you feel uncomfortable in social situations, you may look at the people all around you who seem to float through life effortlessly and wonder how exactly they manage it.
Even though you're not a spotlight-grabbing extrovert, you'll find ways to overcome the discomfort you are feeling in social or group situations. The more often you use these techniques, the more you can begin to feel at ease when presented with a challenging social situation.
-- Smile at people - People who are shy can be mistaken for being unfriendly or standoffish, when in truth they are just uncertain about how to react when meeting new people. They're not sure what to say or the best way to act, so they stay quiet and distant, maybe looking away when people approach. This makes a negative first impression on other people. It means you have to work two times as hard to be able to win them over. A smile, astonishingly, has a long lasting effect. Even if you don't have all of the right things to say, smiling at someone lets them recognize you're pleased to meet them and you're warm and friendly. Also try smiling more in general. When you make eye contact with a stranger, don't immediately avert your eyes. Try smiling and most likely the other person will probably smile right back, putting both of you at ease.
-- Make eye contact - Making eye contact with people goes hand in hand with smiling at them. If you're self-conscious, your initial instinct might be to look elsewhere when you're uncomfortable, but eye contact is definitely an important part of creating a connection with another person. When you don't look at the other person when conversing in conversation, it appears as though you're bored or uninterested in what they're saying. When chatting with someone you should be looking at her or him directly in the eye whilst you're speaking and while they are speaking. Remember that there is a distinction between looking at someone in the eye, and staring at them. It's okay to look away on occasion.
-- Ask questions - If you're not sure what to discuss with a new person, ask them questions with regards to themselves. Most people enjoy talking about themselves and are flattered that you're interested in getting to know them more. This is a great technique that may take the pressure away you having to think about things to say. Be sure to ask open-ended questions that aren't too intrusive or personal so the person you're having a conversation with will feel at ease.
-- Really pay attention - When you meet somebody try your best to remember their name for future encounters. People will certainly feel flattered that you remembered their name and information about them when you cross paths. There are usually little tricks you can learn in order to remember names along with other details. Associating a name with an object or a scene, for instance, makes it simpler to recall.
-- Don't give up - When you first try out these techniques, you may well still feel uncomfortable. That's okay! It may well take time and practice before this begins to feel natural, but after a while it will seem simpler to interact with people the more you consciously change your approach. Like a great deal in life, the more we practice the better it gets - and so the better we get at it.
-- Consider another approach - Hypnosis can be extremely effective in aiding people who struggle in social situations and can help them feel more confident and comfortable. For those being affected by social anxiety, or social phobia, hypno-therapy is an excellent treatment option.
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Peter Field is an English hypno-psychotherapist and Fellow of the Royal Society of Health. More information on his hypnotherapy Birmingham and London practice is available at http://www.peterfieldhypnotherapy.co.uk Peter's full range of self-hypnosis downloads and CDs are available at http://www.hypnosiscdmp3downloads.com
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