Forgiveness doesn't always come easy - or naturally. Even though we know it's the healthiest thing to do, we all have a tendency to hold onto our grudges and find excuses for why we are unwilling to forgive. This next woman's story should serve as an enlightening model of compassion for us all, and demonstrates that the spirit of reconciliation can (and should) be extended to any situation, no matter how severe.
Nobel Peace Prize winner Desmond Tutu describes an incident that took place amidst the violence that erupted during apartheid in South Africa. She tells of a white woman who was walking down the street when a black attacker hurled a hand grenade at her.
The ensuing explosion rattled through her body, leaving her so critically injured that it took six months in the ICU before she recovered enough to be discharged. Her limbs were shredded in the attack, rendering her a cripple. After being released from the hospital, she was unable to care for herself as she had before, and was dependent upon her children's help just to do basic things like eat, bathe, or get dressed
In spite of this horrendously debilitating occurrence, Tutu remarks that "she said of the experience that it had enriched her life." In addition to that, she told Tutu, "I want to meet the person who did this in a spirit of forgiveness; I want to forgive him." More amazing still for many people, she proceeded to say, "And I hope he will forgive me."
Hearing about stories such as this one can be both inspiring and humbling. Inspirational because they demonstrate that the human spirit can overcome any hurt. It's humbling because many of us will read this story wondering whether we could be so forgiving in such a similar situation.
Even more baffling is the idea that THE VICTIM of such a violent attack would ask forgiveness FROM the person who attacked her. You might even have reservations about this woman's grip on reality, and wonder if the grenade might have knocked her a tad bit off-balance. But there may indeed be something we can learn from in this woman's apparent madness.
Understanding the benefits of forgiveness.
When our lady of the hour made this remark, I'm pretty sure it wasn't about feeling responsible for the attack. And I don't think she intended this statement to somehow excuse or rationalize the actions of the perpetrator.
Rather, I think this woman had come to grasp a deeper truth about life: recognition that we've all hurt one another in our own different ways, and that such an atrocious act could only emerge from a deeply wounded individual. Whether or not she had anything to do with the racist tendencies that fueled such aggression, as a white woman in apartheid South Africa, perhaps she realized that there was plenty of hurt to go around. In the spirit of reconciliation, she felt compelled to offer up condolences for the hurt other had delivered him.
More importantly, this woman seemed to comprehend the practical aspects of forgiveness and realized that reconciliation was in everyone's best interest. She certainly could have taken the expected approach and wallowed in her victimization. She could have focused on the injustice of her situation, and no one would have blamed her. She could have chosen to dwell on her ill fortune and spent her time mulling over thoughts about how this man (monster?) had ruined her life. She could have taken what energy she had left and devoted it towards retribution and retaliation, filing her heart with hatred as she did so.
But the bottom line is that had she done these things, her circumstance would still be the same. The grenade still would have exploded. Her body would still be crippled. She would still be dependent upon the charity of others to survive. Her wallowing in negativity would not have altered what happened in any way. She just would have succeeded in crippling herself emotionally as well as physically.
It's not very likely that you or I will ever endure the type of life-altering violence that visited upon this woman. Yet, most of us would go around emotionally crippling ourselves by grasping onto anger and ill-will over wounds that are far less debilitation. In doing so, a lot of the torment we endure is of our own making.
We could learn a thing or two about compassion from this woman. In fact, if we all followed her lead, we might actually succeed in making the world a far less sinister place to begin with. *
* Reference: Arthur Zajonc, "We Speak As One," Peace Jam Foundation, 2006.
----------------------------------------------------
Family guidance & life psychology resources ( http://www.keepyourchildsafe.org/family-parent-child-help.html ) by Global Children’s Fund. Visit our website to learn what influences our perception ( http://www.keepyourchildsafe.org/psychology/perception-psychology.html )of events that can keep a person trapped in a state of despair. Follow us on Twitter @GCFparents.
No comments:
Post a Comment