So often we count what is missing from our lives, focusing on what is not there.
In doing this, we create a form of "negative hallucination," a state of mind that blinds us to so much of what is actually there -- a really self-defeating way to pass our days.
By dwelling on what we lack we create feelings of deprivation and unhappiness that can eclipse the spirit and block our ability to experience the simple joy of being alive.
If we really do want to live a more fulfilled and joyful life then cultivating a sense of gratitude is a key ingredient. Gratitude for all that we have, for all that is there, brings with it a deeper appreciation of life itself.
Research has shown (1) that gratitude is an essential element in our ability to experience genuine happiness.
Change Your MInd
Not only that, but expressing gratitude can help change your mind in a positive way, and actually have a physical affect on the brain, changing it in positive ways.
Gratefulness and life satisfaction just seem to go hand in hand (2).
Here are six habits that grateful people cultivate. They are the keys to increased joy and contentment.
1. Grateful people do not expect life to give them every single thing they desire. They live with the understanding that no one can have everything they want, when they want it, and that this is okay. They are appreciative of all they have, and are less likely to envy what others have.
2. Grateful people take nothing for granted. They do their best to see the positive outcome in situations and experiences and are not afraid to work towards those outcomes. They do not take the good things in their lives for granted.
3. Grateful people work with things as they are. They do not insist that conditions be exactly right before they can be happy. Appreciative of all they have, they accept life's shortcomings, while working on their own, and welcome joy and happiness into their lives unconditionally.
4. Grateful people realize that they cannot have the sunshine without also having the rain. They understand that no one can live in a perpetual state of happiness, accepting that difficult times will sometimes come. They have learned to respect and be grateful for life in all its diversity.
5. Grateful people cultivate flexible thinking habits. They have learned to adapt to life circumstances and can adjust their thinking to the situation. Gratitude and rigid thinking make a poor fit, and so they make allowances for other people's perceptions and opinions.
6. Grateful people do not define themselves by their regrets. They appreciate their abilities while working to improve them, accepting responsibility for their actions while working towards their positive future. Cultivate these habits of gratitude and you really will reap some wonderful benefits.
What are you waiting for? Why not start right now!
References:
(1) Emmons, R. A. (2007). THANKS! How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier. New York: Houghton Mifflin Company.
(2) Watkins, P. C., Grimm, D. L., & Kolts, R. (2004). Counting your blessings: Positive memories among grateful persons. Current Psychology: Developmental, Learning, Personality, Social, 23, 52-67.--
----------------------------------------------------
Peter Field is a leading British hypno-psychotherapist. He is a Fellow of the Royal Society of Health and a Member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. For more information, please visit his website: http://www.peterfieldhypnotherapy.co.uk Peter's extensive range of self hypnosis downloads and CDs is now available at http://www.hypnosiscdmp3downloads.com
Wednesday, May 11, 2016
Thursday, March 3, 2016
Tips To Help You Become A Better Parent
Raising a child is hard work, and no amount of advice or preparation can change that. Preparation and knowledge can have an effect, though, on the results that hard parenting work brings. A helpful tip at the right time can make the parenting process much easier. Continue reading to get a few tips that might <a href="http://www.earlypregnant.com/early-ovulation">solve some child-rearing problems.</a>
If you clear a spot on the kitchen countertop, next to the sink, you can lay your child on a towel there and wash his hair and scalp under the faucet. This can help alleviate the fear of being dunked and their dislike of water in their face.
While your kids need your time too, you still need "you" time. This helps you keep your individuality, <a href="http://www.earlypregnant.com">while also being a great parent.</a>
If there are children living under your roof, avoid smoking indoors. It might be a good time to think about quitting once and for all. Inhaling secondhand smoke can be just as harmful as smoking cigarettes. Second-hand smoke exposure can lead to asthma, bronchitis and other respiratory problems for children.
Each child is different from the next. A strategy that worked wonders on one child can be totally ineffectual on another. This will include reward as well as discipline style. You have to remember all the techniques you have used before.
Cucumbers, carrots or sour pickles can be put into a mesh teether and given to a baby who is having a painful time when cutting their teeth. Your child will enjoy the flavor of these all-natural teethers. Encourage your child to keep chewing, and those sore gums will feel better as the day progresses.
When you are a parent, it's really important to take care of yourself. Despite what crazy events occur throughout the day, always take some time alone to be by yourself and relax, step away from the world and its worries. This will make you less stressed and happier, which will benefit your children ultimately.
Don't expect an instant bond with your stepchildren. A lot of kids show resentment about the fact that their true parents are no longer together. Take the time to get to know your stepchild and build this link progressively. Do not try to replace one of the parents.
If you have adopted a child, be ready to answer a lot of questions that might come up when they understand what this means. All children want to know where they are from, and this is no different for adopted children. It is important to be honest with your child, the younger they are when you tell them, the better they will be able to adjust to the idea as they get older.
Remember that not every child is an extrovert. Kids can be shy and aloof, but that isn't a bad thing! You need to take notice if he or she is appearing more withdrawn than they normally do. If you feel that your child is overly withdrawn, you should go see their pediatrician. The doctor will be able to determine if there is anything going on that should concern you.
Children enjoy playing. Playtime isn't just an option. It's a necessity for growing, developing children. Playtime should be more than simply leaving open blocks of time for unstructured activities.
As a parent, it is important to encourage good behavior with positive reinforcement. Attention is something all children crave. If being well-behaved does not get their parents' attention, they may try acting out instead. Parents who neglect to focus on the child's good behavior by praising them for it may actually be encouraging the child to act in negative ways.
Before administering medicine to your child, it may be helpful to mix each dose in something sweet. You can stir a little sugar in with the medicine, or use some orange juice. Applying drops to the eye is also easy to accomplish. Just have your child lay down and close their eyes, then put a drop on the hurt eye's eyelid. When they open their eyes, you will see that the eye drop falls directly in.
When raising a child it is fundamental to not give into every "I want" that they say. While treats and rewards are an important part of parenting, they should only be given at your discretion. Otherwise, your child may believe that he or she is in total control and that you can be easily persuaded to change your mind.
Parenting, although common, does not always come naturally. It's very common to seek advice as a way to learn better child-rearing skills. Children can be a handful sometimes, and experienced parents can help new parents tackle the issues that come with raising a child. Useful parenting tips provide welcome ways to learn from a wide spectrum of sources.
If you clear a spot on the kitchen countertop, next to the sink, you can lay your child on a towel there and wash his hair and scalp under the faucet. This can help alleviate the fear of being dunked and their dislike of water in their face.
While your kids need your time too, you still need "you" time. This helps you keep your individuality, <a href="http://www.earlypregnant.com">while also being a great parent.</a>
If there are children living under your roof, avoid smoking indoors. It might be a good time to think about quitting once and for all. Inhaling secondhand smoke can be just as harmful as smoking cigarettes. Second-hand smoke exposure can lead to asthma, bronchitis and other respiratory problems for children.
Each child is different from the next. A strategy that worked wonders on one child can be totally ineffectual on another. This will include reward as well as discipline style. You have to remember all the techniques you have used before.
Cucumbers, carrots or sour pickles can be put into a mesh teether and given to a baby who is having a painful time when cutting their teeth. Your child will enjoy the flavor of these all-natural teethers. Encourage your child to keep chewing, and those sore gums will feel better as the day progresses.
When you are a parent, it's really important to take care of yourself. Despite what crazy events occur throughout the day, always take some time alone to be by yourself and relax, step away from the world and its worries. This will make you less stressed and happier, which will benefit your children ultimately.
Don't expect an instant bond with your stepchildren. A lot of kids show resentment about the fact that their true parents are no longer together. Take the time to get to know your stepchild and build this link progressively. Do not try to replace one of the parents.
If you have adopted a child, be ready to answer a lot of questions that might come up when they understand what this means. All children want to know where they are from, and this is no different for adopted children. It is important to be honest with your child, the younger they are when you tell them, the better they will be able to adjust to the idea as they get older.
Remember that not every child is an extrovert. Kids can be shy and aloof, but that isn't a bad thing! You need to take notice if he or she is appearing more withdrawn than they normally do. If you feel that your child is overly withdrawn, you should go see their pediatrician. The doctor will be able to determine if there is anything going on that should concern you.
Children enjoy playing. Playtime isn't just an option. It's a necessity for growing, developing children. Playtime should be more than simply leaving open blocks of time for unstructured activities.
As a parent, it is important to encourage good behavior with positive reinforcement. Attention is something all children crave. If being well-behaved does not get their parents' attention, they may try acting out instead. Parents who neglect to focus on the child's good behavior by praising them for it may actually be encouraging the child to act in negative ways.
Before administering medicine to your child, it may be helpful to mix each dose in something sweet. You can stir a little sugar in with the medicine, or use some orange juice. Applying drops to the eye is also easy to accomplish. Just have your child lay down and close their eyes, then put a drop on the hurt eye's eyelid. When they open their eyes, you will see that the eye drop falls directly in.
When raising a child it is fundamental to not give into every "I want" that they say. While treats and rewards are an important part of parenting, they should only be given at your discretion. Otherwise, your child may believe that he or she is in total control and that you can be easily persuaded to change your mind.
Parenting, although common, does not always come naturally. It's very common to seek advice as a way to learn better child-rearing skills. Children can be a handful sometimes, and experienced parents can help new parents tackle the issues that come with raising a child. Useful parenting tips provide welcome ways to learn from a wide spectrum of sources.
Saturday, February 13, 2016
Gay or LGBT - How To Come Out When You're Married or Partnered
How to come out as gay, bi, or trans, is a question that so many married people find themselves asking.
Some come out when young, others when they are not so young, while others may come out when they have been in a heterosexual relationship for some time.
If you've been in a heterosexual marriage, or in an unmarried but lengthy relationship, the first conversation needs to be with your spouse or partner.
This will likely be difficult for both of you, but clear communication will be important as you plan your future, either apart or together. Be clear, be honest, and be respectful, of your spouse or partner and of yourself.
Perhaps you thought your spouse or partner suspected your orientation, but often this is not the case. Your spouse or partner may very well feel angry, betrayed, rejected, and confused -- and it's likely that many of these emotions will be directed toward you.
Be compassionate, but stand your ground. It is also important to reassure them that it is not their fault, as some partners might feel they are in some way responsible, or believe that they may have 'turned you gay'.
It's possible your spouse or partner will have a lot of questions; it's also possible that she or he will need time apart to process the many ways this will change life for both of you. It may take several conversations to work through all the issues that your revelation will create, and it may be helpful to schedule a few joint sessions with a counselor or therapist.
Remember that you've taken some time to figure out who you are; your spouse or partner will need time, too. Many will choose divorce or permanent separation as the way forward, and this can be a difficult process for all concerned. The best possible outcome is that, though divorced or separated, you remain friends with your ex-spouse or ex-partner.
For some, this will not be possible, and a clean break may be best. If this is the case, do your best to separate as amicably as possible.
Not all couples choose to separate or divorce immediately, or at all. They may choose to stay together in order to better care for their children, for the companionship that they already share, or even for sex. Provided couples are looking for the same things and are clear on the parameters of the revised relationship, divorce is not necessarily mandatory.
But staying together isn't easy, and doing it in order to linger in the closet or to spare you or your spouse embarrassment are unhealthy reasons to remain married or partnered, and unfair to both of you.
This is a time when an outside professional can be extremely helpful in determining the best, most honest way for both of you to move into the future.
If children are involved, your second conversation might be with them, depending on their ages and what you as a couple decide is most helpful. Although divorce has become, sadly, commonplace, this doesn't mean that it's not difficult for children, so focus on them, on the ways your family will change, and on the things that will remain the same, including your love for them.
This is a life-changing announcement for all of you, and emotions are bound to run high. If you as a couple can present a united front, your children will fare better in the long run. It may be a conversation that stretches over days, weeks, or months, one that will demand respect for the feelings of everyone involved.
It is also important to remember, especially for those who are knowingly struggling with their sexual or gender identity, that heterosexual marriage will not 'cure' this. Other people are not meant to be used in a futile attempt to convert or to hide a lifestyle. It is not fair or healthy to use another person in this way.
If you decide to come out when you're married or partnered, be sure to do so in a way that you can look back on without shame or unnecessary guilt.
It may be a difficult time for you and for all involved, but with a clear head and a healthy dose of compassion and understanding, it can be something that will move everyone forward in the best possible way.
----------------------------------------------------
Peter Field is a British psychotherapist and Director of Rainbow Champions, an organization that provides assertive life skills and confident communication training for LGBT people across the UK and Europe. For more info please see http://www.rainbowchampions.com His new book 'How To Be Gay and Happy' is now available on Amazon. http://gayandhappy.com
Some come out when young, others when they are not so young, while others may come out when they have been in a heterosexual relationship for some time.
If you've been in a heterosexual marriage, or in an unmarried but lengthy relationship, the first conversation needs to be with your spouse or partner.
This will likely be difficult for both of you, but clear communication will be important as you plan your future, either apart or together. Be clear, be honest, and be respectful, of your spouse or partner and of yourself.
Perhaps you thought your spouse or partner suspected your orientation, but often this is not the case. Your spouse or partner may very well feel angry, betrayed, rejected, and confused -- and it's likely that many of these emotions will be directed toward you.
Be compassionate, but stand your ground. It is also important to reassure them that it is not their fault, as some partners might feel they are in some way responsible, or believe that they may have 'turned you gay'.
It's possible your spouse or partner will have a lot of questions; it's also possible that she or he will need time apart to process the many ways this will change life for both of you. It may take several conversations to work through all the issues that your revelation will create, and it may be helpful to schedule a few joint sessions with a counselor or therapist.
Remember that you've taken some time to figure out who you are; your spouse or partner will need time, too. Many will choose divorce or permanent separation as the way forward, and this can be a difficult process for all concerned. The best possible outcome is that, though divorced or separated, you remain friends with your ex-spouse or ex-partner.
For some, this will not be possible, and a clean break may be best. If this is the case, do your best to separate as amicably as possible.
Not all couples choose to separate or divorce immediately, or at all. They may choose to stay together in order to better care for their children, for the companionship that they already share, or even for sex. Provided couples are looking for the same things and are clear on the parameters of the revised relationship, divorce is not necessarily mandatory.
But staying together isn't easy, and doing it in order to linger in the closet or to spare you or your spouse embarrassment are unhealthy reasons to remain married or partnered, and unfair to both of you.
This is a time when an outside professional can be extremely helpful in determining the best, most honest way for both of you to move into the future.
If children are involved, your second conversation might be with them, depending on their ages and what you as a couple decide is most helpful. Although divorce has become, sadly, commonplace, this doesn't mean that it's not difficult for children, so focus on them, on the ways your family will change, and on the things that will remain the same, including your love for them.
This is a life-changing announcement for all of you, and emotions are bound to run high. If you as a couple can present a united front, your children will fare better in the long run. It may be a conversation that stretches over days, weeks, or months, one that will demand respect for the feelings of everyone involved.
It is also important to remember, especially for those who are knowingly struggling with their sexual or gender identity, that heterosexual marriage will not 'cure' this. Other people are not meant to be used in a futile attempt to convert or to hide a lifestyle. It is not fair or healthy to use another person in this way.
If you decide to come out when you're married or partnered, be sure to do so in a way that you can look back on without shame or unnecessary guilt.
It may be a difficult time for you and for all involved, but with a clear head and a healthy dose of compassion and understanding, it can be something that will move everyone forward in the best possible way.
----------------------------------------------------
Peter Field is a British psychotherapist and Director of Rainbow Champions, an organization that provides assertive life skills and confident communication training for LGBT people across the UK and Europe. For more info please see http://www.rainbowchampions.com His new book 'How To Be Gay and Happy' is now available on Amazon. http://gayandhappy.com
Sunday, November 22, 2015
Overcoming Pornography Addiction
Pornography addiction is a subject that is receiving increasing attention in the media these days. What may have started as a fairly innocent pastime has turned into a compulsive activity for so many, from celebrities to students.
The Internet offers endless possibilities for viewing pornography with the click of a mouse. What takes place when viewing online porn spirals out of control? When does it become an addiction? How can a person struggling with porn addiction get the help they need?
Pornography addiction is not yet recognized by the American Psychological Association as a psychological disorder (as many other addictions are), but greater focus is now being given to this problem and an ever increasing number of people are seeking help in this area.
The criteria for determining a pornography addiction is similar to that of other addictions. Does reading, watching, thinking about, and/or viewing pornography interfere with your work, personal life, relationships, social interactions or family life? If you answer yes to this question, you could have a pornography addiction.
What makes porn addiction a greater problem than in the past?
Accessibility
It's easier than ever before to access pornography. Before the Internet, it was necessary to actually enter an adult entertainment store and purchase material. It required a certain degree of personal disclosure -- taking the magazine, video or DVD to the cashier meant that you would be identified as a pornography consumer, which of course deterred quite a few people from consuming it in the first place. These days, with a fast Internet search, unlimited pornography is available in the privacy of anyone's home.
Early exposure
Whereas in the past access to this kind of thing would be rare and difficult to obtain, with the Internet children have a good chance of being exposed to it from an early age. A recent study reported that 42% of children have been exposed to pornography on the Internet before the age of 18.
Tolerance
Some experts believe that tolerance is built up when it comes to pornography addiction, much as tolerance is built up with alcohol addiction or other substances. The need to view pornography appears to increase with the amount the addict views. With an estimated 420 million pornography websites available, the Internet appears to have an almost unlimited supply.
Getting Help
As pornography addiction becomes more common and receives more attention, our understanding of it grows. As our understanding of this problem increases, so too does our ability to effectively treat it.. One possible way to view pornography addiction is to see it as a form of sex addiction. There are now several different and effective ways to treat this addiction. In addition to 12 step programs such as Sex Addicts Anonymous, and Sexual Compulsives Anonymous, there are a number of recovery programs, both on and offline that offer help with this addiction. Individual therapy is also available. CBT, or cognitive behavioral therapy, and modern hypnotherapy may be especially helpful for those seeking help to conquer this addiction.
If you, or someone you care about is experiencing difficulty because of pornography, help is available. With the right kind of therapy this really is a problem that can be overcome.
----------------------------------------------------
Peter Field is a UK therapist working in London and Birmingham. Information can be found on his website http://www.peterfieldhypnotherapy.co.uk He is the author of the best-selling book on hypnotherapy 'The Chi of Change' http://www.chiofchange.com
The Internet offers endless possibilities for viewing pornography with the click of a mouse. What takes place when viewing online porn spirals out of control? When does it become an addiction? How can a person struggling with porn addiction get the help they need?
Pornography addiction is not yet recognized by the American Psychological Association as a psychological disorder (as many other addictions are), but greater focus is now being given to this problem and an ever increasing number of people are seeking help in this area.
The criteria for determining a pornography addiction is similar to that of other addictions. Does reading, watching, thinking about, and/or viewing pornography interfere with your work, personal life, relationships, social interactions or family life? If you answer yes to this question, you could have a pornography addiction.
What makes porn addiction a greater problem than in the past?
Accessibility
It's easier than ever before to access pornography. Before the Internet, it was necessary to actually enter an adult entertainment store and purchase material. It required a certain degree of personal disclosure -- taking the magazine, video or DVD to the cashier meant that you would be identified as a pornography consumer, which of course deterred quite a few people from consuming it in the first place. These days, with a fast Internet search, unlimited pornography is available in the privacy of anyone's home.
Early exposure
Whereas in the past access to this kind of thing would be rare and difficult to obtain, with the Internet children have a good chance of being exposed to it from an early age. A recent study reported that 42% of children have been exposed to pornography on the Internet before the age of 18.
Tolerance
Some experts believe that tolerance is built up when it comes to pornography addiction, much as tolerance is built up with alcohol addiction or other substances. The need to view pornography appears to increase with the amount the addict views. With an estimated 420 million pornography websites available, the Internet appears to have an almost unlimited supply.
Getting Help
As pornography addiction becomes more common and receives more attention, our understanding of it grows. As our understanding of this problem increases, so too does our ability to effectively treat it.. One possible way to view pornography addiction is to see it as a form of sex addiction. There are now several different and effective ways to treat this addiction. In addition to 12 step programs such as Sex Addicts Anonymous, and Sexual Compulsives Anonymous, there are a number of recovery programs, both on and offline that offer help with this addiction. Individual therapy is also available. CBT, or cognitive behavioral therapy, and modern hypnotherapy may be especially helpful for those seeking help to conquer this addiction.
If you, or someone you care about is experiencing difficulty because of pornography, help is available. With the right kind of therapy this really is a problem that can be overcome.
----------------------------------------------------
Peter Field is a UK therapist working in London and Birmingham. Information can be found on his website http://www.peterfieldhypnotherapy.co.uk He is the author of the best-selling book on hypnotherapy 'The Chi of Change' http://www.chiofchange.com
Thursday, November 5, 2015
How To Plan For Success (Not Just Fake It Until You Make It)
Do you run your day?
Let me ask you a question, do you run your day? Instead of letting it run you, do you act instead of reacting? So many people trudge through their days without having any clue as to the purpose of doing it, other than to make a bit of coin and continue living, so that they can do the same thing the next day. Now regardless of whether you like your job or not, if you don't know what your true purpose in life then you will never reach your own idea of true success. You may absolutely love your job but if you believe that you were meant for more you will always be wondering "what if?"
I believe in planning for success and knowing that you are planning your days for maximum effectiveness to reach an end goal, so I want to run through exactly what it means to plan for success, whether your goal is to run a highly successful business, or build a great relationship with your family, there are things you need to do every day, or at least on a regular basis to achieve it. Let's take a look at what some of the most successful people on this planet do to run their days to maximum effectiveness..
Have a pre-determined purpose
Going back to the point I made in the introduction, if you have a pre-determined purpose for working hard at something, your motivation will always be there to get things done. Success isn't a sprint, it's a marathon and if you aren't packing the right kind of mental attitude, generated from having a purpose, you are going to fall at the first hurdle. For example the guy who wants to shift some weight, undo 50 years' worth of bad eating habits and not exercising, he looks in the mirror after a week of dieting and working hard in the gym. He looks at himself and thinks, "well this isn't working, I still look fat, stuff it, I'm done with this", he's thrown in the towel before his body even has a chance to change, he didn't have a purpose for changing. If the purpose of your change is to look good for the girls on the beach, or to look like all the models on the covers of men's health or women's magazine, you've got no fight and you're going to drown. That guy didn't have a strong
enough purpose to keep him moving towards his weight loss goal, if he had thought of a strong enough reason for losing that weight, it would have seen him though the entire journey and carried him though the good and the bad times.
Plan your day hour by hour
Sounds like hard work doesn't it? Well guess what? Reality check it, it is hard! It's incredibly hard to plan your day and stick to it rigidly when so much can happen in 24hours. So many things change during the day and you are forced to adapt to those situations, but it's how you react to what happens that truly counts. But if you are sitting down the night before and planning what you are going to do hour by hour, you give your day structure, you know what you have to do and you get it done. Sit down and write out all of the things that you need to do, the daily activities and the odd things that crop up too, work related and personal, then pencil them into your diary when you are going to complete those tasks. If you don't get everything done that's absolutely fine, I don't always get everything completed when I say I'm going to complete it but I make a note of what needs to be followed up on, then I can simply slot it into the next day and get it finished then. Plan your day or
I promise you now, your day will run you and you'll have nothing to show for it.
Keep a journal
You know it is strangely liberating writing down everything that you did during the day and everything that happened, maybe it's just me but it makes me feel like I am unloading all of the stress of the day and reflecting on all of the good things that happened too. By writing down the events of the day, you can track your efforts and determine where you could have spent more time being productive, determine what works and what doesn't and tweak things so that you become more effective in your daily efforts. Keeping a journal also helps you become more grateful for everything too, as you can reflect on and appreciate all of the good things that happened and believe me, everyone can find some good in their days, even if it doesn't seem that way at first glance.
Plan to fail
You have to realize from the start that you are going to run into stumbling blocks and you're going to be tested. Not realizing this is naïve and it will set you back big time unless you accept it. The way to look at this is in a completely different light, people see failure as a bad thing, thinking it is making them weaker when in actual fact, you are becoming stronger and stronger through your failures. I love failure! Every successful person in this world has failed and I bet if you asked them, they would tell you they failed more times than they would care to mention, but it is through that failure that they became stronger and learnt what they were doing was obviously not the best course of action. Plan to take the hits and don't point fingers, trying to shift the blame onto someone or something, accept it, learn from it and move on.
Plan your own development
What a lot of people fail to do is improve on themselves, they are so fixed on their work that they forget to take the time to learn new things and develop their own mind set for success. I'm sure everyone has different amounts of time that they can devote to personal development, but personally I find listening to something constructive for 30 minutes every day and reading something constructive for 30 minutes every day is sufficient to improve upon yourself, but if you can dedicate more then do it. Successful people realize that the amount of success they have and the indeed the amount of money they earn, is directly related to how much time we put into our self-development. "We get paid for bringing value to the marketplace" (Jim Rohn), I think this quote says it all, you get out of any endeavour the amount of effort you put into it, but also how much time you spend becoming a better person to go after that endeavour.
Separate emotions from business and work
There is a bit of a catch with this one so let me explain. Business and work is not worth getting upset or overly emotional about, the only emotion you should carry into your working environment is that of passion. This was actually echoed by Martha Stuart, the first female to reach billionaire status and she talks about it in <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_fT2K0oMwm8">this video</a> where she explains some of her rules to success, which can be applied to business and life in equal manner. You need to become conscious of your emotions when you are going about your day, don't let yourself become too emotional when something happens during the day which at first is perceived as negative. Take a minute to think about it and turn it on its head, look at it in a positive way. You can do this with anything, it may not be easy at first but you can do it, but that first step is becoming aware of your emotions during the day and separating them from work because it just isn't
worth it. We all have a limited time in this world, so why spend it getting upset and worried about something which isn't always going to be.
Let me ask you a question, do you run your day? Instead of letting it run you, do you act instead of reacting? So many people trudge through their days without having any clue as to the purpose of doing it, other than to make a bit of coin and continue living, so that they can do the same thing the next day. Now regardless of whether you like your job or not, if you don't know what your true purpose in life then you will never reach your own idea of true success. You may absolutely love your job but if you believe that you were meant for more you will always be wondering "what if?"
I believe in planning for success and knowing that you are planning your days for maximum effectiveness to reach an end goal, so I want to run through exactly what it means to plan for success, whether your goal is to run a highly successful business, or build a great relationship with your family, there are things you need to do every day, or at least on a regular basis to achieve it. Let's take a look at what some of the most successful people on this planet do to run their days to maximum effectiveness..
Have a pre-determined purpose
Going back to the point I made in the introduction, if you have a pre-determined purpose for working hard at something, your motivation will always be there to get things done. Success isn't a sprint, it's a marathon and if you aren't packing the right kind of mental attitude, generated from having a purpose, you are going to fall at the first hurdle. For example the guy who wants to shift some weight, undo 50 years' worth of bad eating habits and not exercising, he looks in the mirror after a week of dieting and working hard in the gym. He looks at himself and thinks, "well this isn't working, I still look fat, stuff it, I'm done with this", he's thrown in the towel before his body even has a chance to change, he didn't have a purpose for changing. If the purpose of your change is to look good for the girls on the beach, or to look like all the models on the covers of men's health or women's magazine, you've got no fight and you're going to drown. That guy didn't have a strong
enough purpose to keep him moving towards his weight loss goal, if he had thought of a strong enough reason for losing that weight, it would have seen him though the entire journey and carried him though the good and the bad times.
Plan your day hour by hour
Sounds like hard work doesn't it? Well guess what? Reality check it, it is hard! It's incredibly hard to plan your day and stick to it rigidly when so much can happen in 24hours. So many things change during the day and you are forced to adapt to those situations, but it's how you react to what happens that truly counts. But if you are sitting down the night before and planning what you are going to do hour by hour, you give your day structure, you know what you have to do and you get it done. Sit down and write out all of the things that you need to do, the daily activities and the odd things that crop up too, work related and personal, then pencil them into your diary when you are going to complete those tasks. If you don't get everything done that's absolutely fine, I don't always get everything completed when I say I'm going to complete it but I make a note of what needs to be followed up on, then I can simply slot it into the next day and get it finished then. Plan your day or
I promise you now, your day will run you and you'll have nothing to show for it.
Keep a journal
You know it is strangely liberating writing down everything that you did during the day and everything that happened, maybe it's just me but it makes me feel like I am unloading all of the stress of the day and reflecting on all of the good things that happened too. By writing down the events of the day, you can track your efforts and determine where you could have spent more time being productive, determine what works and what doesn't and tweak things so that you become more effective in your daily efforts. Keeping a journal also helps you become more grateful for everything too, as you can reflect on and appreciate all of the good things that happened and believe me, everyone can find some good in their days, even if it doesn't seem that way at first glance.
Plan to fail
You have to realize from the start that you are going to run into stumbling blocks and you're going to be tested. Not realizing this is naïve and it will set you back big time unless you accept it. The way to look at this is in a completely different light, people see failure as a bad thing, thinking it is making them weaker when in actual fact, you are becoming stronger and stronger through your failures. I love failure! Every successful person in this world has failed and I bet if you asked them, they would tell you they failed more times than they would care to mention, but it is through that failure that they became stronger and learnt what they were doing was obviously not the best course of action. Plan to take the hits and don't point fingers, trying to shift the blame onto someone or something, accept it, learn from it and move on.
Plan your own development
What a lot of people fail to do is improve on themselves, they are so fixed on their work that they forget to take the time to learn new things and develop their own mind set for success. I'm sure everyone has different amounts of time that they can devote to personal development, but personally I find listening to something constructive for 30 minutes every day and reading something constructive for 30 minutes every day is sufficient to improve upon yourself, but if you can dedicate more then do it. Successful people realize that the amount of success they have and the indeed the amount of money they earn, is directly related to how much time we put into our self-development. "We get paid for bringing value to the marketplace" (Jim Rohn), I think this quote says it all, you get out of any endeavour the amount of effort you put into it, but also how much time you spend becoming a better person to go after that endeavour.
Separate emotions from business and work
There is a bit of a catch with this one so let me explain. Business and work is not worth getting upset or overly emotional about, the only emotion you should carry into your working environment is that of passion. This was actually echoed by Martha Stuart, the first female to reach billionaire status and she talks about it in <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_fT2K0oMwm8">this video</a> where she explains some of her rules to success, which can be applied to business and life in equal manner. You need to become conscious of your emotions when you are going about your day, don't let yourself become too emotional when something happens during the day which at first is perceived as negative. Take a minute to think about it and turn it on its head, look at it in a positive way. You can do this with anything, it may not be easy at first but you can do it, but that first step is becoming aware of your emotions during the day and separating them from work because it just isn't
worth it. We all have a limited time in this world, so why spend it getting upset and worried about something which isn't always going to be.
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