So, you've separated. The relationship has ended. Now what? How does an individual move forward in a healthy way? Separations are surely not easy, no matter what the circumstances, but you can find ways to reduce your suffering.
-- Allow yourself time to grieve.
No matter how committed you may be to moving forward, you have to give yourself time to mourn the relationship. Whether you were the one who left or your partner was, breakups are nearly always painful. Adjustments must be made as well as feelings dealt with, and this naturally usually takes time.
Sometimes people make the mistake of attempting to bury their difficult feelings, but by doing this they are trying to circumvent the healing process as a whole. Indeed no one likes to feel miserable. We naturally want to feel better as fast as possible. However, the best way to feel better is usually to face your feelings directly.
Allow yourself to feel hurt, miserable, upset, puzzled, and many other emotions that so frequently come with breakups. When you allow yourself to feel these things now, you're less likely to see those feelings resurface later on when you are least expecting it.
-- Form some sort of help network
You've gone from sharing a regular part of your life with somebody else to being single yet again. For lots of people, this is probably the hardest of transitions. Maybe you feel alone, but in all probability you're surely not. Now may well be the time to get in touch with your good friends and loved ones for help. Phone them when you really need someone to talk to. Invite some over when you need to have a good laugh, weep, get your mind off these things, get out of the house, vent, and do any other activity you need to do.
-- Get out and about
Just as much as you might want to shut the whole world and everyone in it out from time to time, you have to get out of the house and be social as well. Go out with family, some of your close friends and others from your trusted support circle.
In the event you really don't have such a circle, then now is the time to work towards getting one.
Get involved in some new hobbies or activities and also meet some new people. Instead of looking at the separation being a entire loss, try looking at it from a different view. You have been given the opportunity at this point to dedicate time to other things, making new friends, acquiring new knowledge, developing newpastimes and focusing on yourself.
-- Move things around
You're starting a new chapter in your life, and a good way to remind yourself of this is by rearranging your surroundings. Change the position of a chair, your bed, a table. Move a photo or hang a new one. Create these types of changes to your home and things may really feel different in a better, newer way.
-- Give back
You may be going through a particularly rough time right now, but why don't you put things in perspective a bit, do some volunteer work, or have a go at a charity. It feels great to do things for others, particularly those who're really in need.
Think about what sort of activities you can get involved in. If you like animals, you may volunteer at an animal shelter. If you're someone of faith, you can get involved in charity work done by your place of worship. There's an array of different choices, but you need to select something which is meaningful to you yourself. You will feel wonderful after assisting, AND it will help you to place your loss into perspective.
Above all, give yourself time to make the adjustments necessary, time to process your emotions, and time to heal. No need to be harsh with yourself and you'll find yourself moving forward right into a happier day.
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Peter Field is a Member of the British Association for Counselling and Psycholtherapy, and a Fellow of the Royal Society of Health. His Birmingham hypnotherapy practice provides hypnosis services in London and throughout the West Midlands. For more information please visit his hypnotherapy website at http://www.peterfieldhypnotherapy.co.uk His book 'The Chi of Change' explores the fascinating world of hypnotherapy http://www.chiofchange.com
